/\ Seriously.

Hello! I am Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann of Minnesota! How exciting!

My party is Tea Party and I think Sarah Palin is dandy! We’re like the Tea Party Queens or something! I’m ultra-conservative, and ultra-religious! I hate homosexuals and my husband tries to de-gay them! Of course, I respect my husband, because submission in my dictionary means respect. I love the state of Iowa for loving me, and mostly because I can use those frequent flier miles I racked up from trying to do speeches in places that I’ve never been! Hell, who’s ever heard of “Montpelier”?

I’m so conservative, it’s like my THING or something. Even more than my Alaskan buddy Mrs. Palin! And even better, I can see WISCONSIN from my house!!!
I think that Obama is a Muslim terrorist who was born outside of the United States!

Uh-oh, there’s a camera! People say that when I get near a camera, my eyes get all wide and don’t blink, or I look away at something else! This is very untrue! Look at me on the cover of Newsweek!

Where was I? Oh, yes. I’m the Tea Party Queen. That’s one of my many titles. On my 2012 campaign website, I’m also noted as a wife and mother, and a small business owner! Wow! What a great life I lead! Especially with my husband who runs a clinic (I think?) The point of it us to show gays where they went wrong in life, since homosexuality is definitely a choice they made! Ooh, it makes me feel so proud when my husband makes those homos feel like scum! And for a good price! He denies it, but I don’t see anything wrong with it. I mean, isn’t everyone Christian? What? They aren’t? Oh, well that’s my thing I learned for 2011!

Hey, did you know global warming is a hoax? Yup, carbon dioxide is a “natural byproduct” of nature, and we all need it! The ozone layer, well that’s a hoax too. It’s obvious scientists made that up to support their little “global warming” scam. For energy, I do support wind and solar power, but I emphasize my points on nuclear power (even though a plant exploded in Connecticut in 2010. Oh, yes, and the Japan one…poor Asians. But that has nothing to do with us.) I am also a HUGE fan of fossil fuels such as coal and gasoline! Those are the best!

Now being from Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes, I don’t take sh*t from anyone! So don’t mess with me or I’ll call you Obama, the ultimate anti-American!

Things I’ve won:
•2006 Minnesota Senate election
•2008 Minnesota Senate election
•2010 Minnesota Senate election
•Ames Iowa Republican Straw Poll
I’m so good at winning those Minnesota Senate elections! And I won a straw poll!